“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord… Be pleased, O Lord, to deliver me! O Lord, make haste to help me!”
Psalm 40:1-3, 13
There are times when, like David, we find ourselves in the desert. We long for the new song to sing – the great Hallelujah of praise to the Lord. But first we must simply cry out to the Lord for help and express our faith in Him as we wait.
The book of Revelation is structured around this progression: the “how long?” of the martyrs (Rev. 6:10) waiting for the hallelujahs of Revelation 19 when Jesus comes back. This shouldn’t surprise us because Jesus explicitly told his disciples, “It is not for you to know the times or seasons the Father has set by his own authority” (Acts 1:7). God promised to restore Israel, but not when or how anyone expected.
The Psalms are filled with this recurring cry of the heart.
- “My soul also is greatly troubled. But you, O Lord—how long?” Psalm 6:3
- “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” Psalm 13:1-2
- “How long, O Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their destruction, my precious life from the lions!” Psalm 35:17
- “How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?” Psalm 74:9-10
- “How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever? Will your jealousy burn like fire?” Psalm 79:5
- “O Lord God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people’s prayers?” Psalm 80:4
- “How long, O Lord? Will you hide yourself forever? How long will your wrath burn like fire?” Psalm 89:46
- “Return, O Lord! How long? Have pity on your servants!” Psalm 90:13
- “O Lord, how long shall the wicked, how long shall the wicked exult?” Psalm 94:3
- “How long must your servant endure? When will you judge those who persecute me?” Psalm 119:84
As we wait for Jesus to come back we must accept the fact that we cannot know how long our suffering will last. That is part of the faith test itself. Peter wrote with total confidence in our eternal inheritance and our unshakeable joy:
“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
1 Peter 1:6-7
“A little while.”
There is the rub: not knowing how long. Not knowing the outcome in the here and now.
But that is the whole point of faith: trusting in the Lord’s goodness and sovereign wisdom precisely when things don’t make sense to us. Faith you can see isn’t faith at all. Faith is trusting when you cannot see. It’s believing that hallelujah is coming when all you can see is struggle.
If my seizures and this brain tumor diagnosis have taught me anything it is my complete lack of control. I can’t even be sure that I can stay awake at any given moment. Suddenly I just black out and then it takes a couple of minutes for me to figure out where I am and what is going on. My primary feeling all day right now is fatigue. That tells me that medications are in my system but not that they are certain to control the seizures.
We are optimistic for a successful surgery and recovery but it is brain surgery after all, so there is no way to be certain how much tumor they can safely remove, what effect the surgery could have on my brain function or what ongoing treatments will be needed after surgery.
So we cry out with the Psalmists, “How long, Oh Lord?” And we rest our faith securely in the God who hears, who heals and who is faithful.
The hallelujah is coming.